A desperate mother made a desperate choice.

She left her baby.

Two people—a woman and child, among a large crowd, no doubt—got on the train at Jiujiang Station in Jiangxi Province. And, at some point between there and Beijing, only one of them got off, leaving a toddler alone, chugging away on a train. Perhaps she waited until he was asleep and then slowly pulled him from her body as all mothers do when their babies are asleep on them and they need to get up. Perhaps she shushed him gently as all mothers do to make sure he stayed asleep as she slipped out from under him.

But, unlike all mothers, this one didn’t come back. I wonder if he woke up and saw her leave. I wonder if he cried. I wonder who heard him. He wasn’t found until employees were checking the train at the last stop. I wonder who walked past him and didn’t notice him at all. I wonder who walked past him and didn’t want to notice him.

A desperate note was found with him.

I am an unmarried mother…Now the father abandoned us. I am devastated, but without a marriage certificate, what else can I do? Now my family is forcing me to go home and meet a date and get married. I am so ashamed to take a baby home. My son was born on December 17, 2011. I hope a kind-hearted person can adopt him. If such luck fails, please send him to a formal adoption agency to ensure his safety. I could only pay you back in the next life. Thank you!”

According to an expert specializing in “child protection,” the mother has committed the crime of abandonment and, if found, could be sentenced to up to 5 years imprisonment. The expert went on with his expert words, “The right thing for the mother to do is to sue the father who abandoned them and the father would have to pay more than half of the baby’s living expenses.”

The right thing to do. 

5 years in prison, in a country whose prisons aren’t known for honoring people, in a country where women cannot legally place a child for adoption.

Who can tell her the right thing to do?

My heart breaks for her. In the depth of my spirit, I ache for her. I pray that she knows peace before she gets to the next life. Somehow. 

Maybe I hurt so much for her as she stands as a sort of surrogate for the mother who I wish had given her daughter a letter like this, some sort of explanation, some sort of story, some sort of history, something. Maybe I want to run to this woman because who I really want to run to is the woman who carried my child. I don’t know her story—whatever it was, I know only that it was broken.

Did she do the right thing? Right things in the midst of deep brokenness are sometimes difficult to name. Today, I wish I could hold her face in my hands and tell her this –

There is no repayment, nothing you need to do, nothing you need to give. There is no luck, only God’s mercy and grace both of which make beauty from ashes, wholeness when all is broken. Be free from your shame, and take courage in the One who can give you peace in this life and the after life forever and ever.

Instead, I will hold another face in my hands and speak words of love and truth to her.