For this I toil

Mornings in my green chair have been occupied by me, coffee, and Colossians for the past few weeks. Every word I read I applied to that moment, knowing that a little boy would soon be coming down my stairs speaking words I was only beginning to understand and holding tightly to the hand of my son.

In the very first chapter, the beginning of his letter to his brothers and sisters in Colossae, after he has assured them of his love for them and his ongoing prayers for them even from afar, he reminds them of his purpose, his bigger purpose.

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church, of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known, the mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to his saints. To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.

I pictured Paul rehearsing the words he wanted to give these friends. I wonder if the practice served as a good reminder to him as well. And, I realized sitting there quietly in my green chair, that I really needed that reminder myself. I grabbed my pen and started scribbling my own thoughts.

I rejoice in the daily challenge that being your mother for this season brings because I know God called me to this job so that you may be introduced to Him who made the whole universe and made the intentional decision to make you in it and so that you may understand that you are worthy and wonderful because you truly are. As I care for you in every way and pour myself out for your sake, I am proclaiming these truths even without words so that hope may become stronger than your hurts. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.

There my purpose rested, in black ink in the margins of my notebook. Everyday, I’d read them again, words directed at him that he couldn’t and wouldn’t read, but words that served to remind me of my purpose and encourage me in it. There’s no mention in these words about finding a family for him, and that was on purpose. It may seem strange to not include that there given that it is such a large part of this—hosting a child without a family to advocate so that he gains a family. But, I realized as he was here and through the experience of advocating for this precious boy that my purpose was bigger than even that. It wasn’t hard for me to remember that I was seeking a family for him; I needed to be reminded of the bigger purpose.

I’ve promoted hosting programs for the purpose of finding children who have waited too long families. And, I still do. But, I don’t want to measure their success by only that. There’s more that happens here in a home when a child without a home enters in for a season. Hope grows. I don’t know who spoke into his heart over the last 8 years in China; someone did. And, I don’t know what messages they sent into it. But, in our home, each one of us have spoken directly into this boy’s heart:

You matter.
You are known.
You are loved even when you aren’t lovable.
No matter where you are in the world, you are not alone.

My time in my green chair was short this morning. It’s his last day here. He came down earlier than normal and leaned his slim frame into me. His first words were “one more day” as he held one finger up. Then, he hugged me.

I have that familiar feeling of tightness in my chest and a lump in my throat. My heart is closer to the outside than I am comfortable with it being. But, even in this vulnerable place, I can say it is well with my soul. We have loved him well. Each one of us from little Lydia to quiet Evan have been hope builders. We have done what we were called to do.

And, it is with great great joy that we can send him off not only knowing we have loved him well but with the knowledge that our goodbye is not forever.

As of Monday night, he has a family coming for him.

Now, we can add one more message to those messages sent into his heart:

You are coming home…for good. for lots and lots of good.

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The Sparrow Fund is still trying to collect money to pay the orphanage donation for both “Brett” and “Jasper.” Please consider being a part of that effort by clicking HERE. There is still a matching grant of up to $500 being offered. Note that the link to donate is fussy on mobile devices. You may have to click through to donate using your big ole desktop or laptop.