The view from where I’m standing {guest post}

I’ve been wondering ever since I committed to The Sparrow Fund’s team why I’ve been called to go to China on this trip and serve at this orphanage halfway around the world. The call, the timing were clearly orchestrated by God in the craziness that only His hands can perform. Yet, my role on this trip has been foggy. I feel like I am in a waiting period. Like dusk, that time right before the sun is about to rise. It is still nighttime, the stars are slightly visible and most of nature and people are still asleep, but the moon is beginning to set and shades of purple fill the sky. Birds are starting to sing and slowly you can make out the shape of the landscape surrounding-all indicators of change happening. That is where I feel like I am. Dawn is on the rise and I will soon be able to see what God is doing in my life, but for now I am still waiting on Him, listening to the birds and seeing the beauty of dusk.

So what am I hearing, what am I seeing in China?

The beauty in holding a little boy, 13 months old, who is not yet walking nor crawling nor even standing up as he should be doing and, therefore, often sits all day, watching a DVD on loop play, playing with a handful of the same toys on a mat only 12×15 feet in size, rarely leaving that space. And, yet, he laughs. He smiles big melt-your-heart smiles. He has dimples and only two little bottom teeth. He loves to be tickled. He has a silent chuckle of pure joy. He loves to be held. He baby talks. I find myself holding him many of the days and I consider where would he be if he was in a normal home setting with furniture to pull up on, space to be mobile, family to play with? Would he be walking? Eating cheerios out of snack cups and playing with matchbox cars? I find myself whispering to him to fight. To grow strong, to work hard and crawl. I want his chances for adoption to be better. I want him to know what it is like to have a Dad and Mom, siblings, pets. But I know that is not fair to ask him that, and he can’t really understand me and what an expectation to ask of a child? And then I realize in the unfairness of it all, I’d take him as he is. Isn’t that what God does for us? He takes us in our weakness because He sees our inner beauty. He fights for us to be in His family.

That little boy is just one song. One shade in this dusk sky that surrounds me.

There are many more. I had 19 kids in my room at the orphanage alone and each is another story—a different shade, a beautiful shade in the sky.

It is my prayer that as the sun begins to rise in my life, it would on many other lives as well, and they would be moved by the Spirit to search for their role in this story and take steps in faith to mesh their story with the stories of these children.

_____________________________

Kelly has been married 13 years and has two children, Charlotte age 7 and Jasper who just turned 2. Passionate about serving and discipling teenage youth, she works part time as a middle and high school science teacher to home-schooled students in the greater Philadelphia region. In addition, she is involved in mentoring youth at her church as a youth group leader. Through a close friend, God brought her to join The Sparrow Fund team to Shaanxi, China where the world of serving and caring for the orphan became part of hers.