Fundraising.
Just the word can give me the chills. I picture overpriced wrapping paper and pizza kits, going door to door and begging family friends to help me go on my choir trip or get new softball uniforms.
Years later, I don’t really remember who bought the candy bars or candles or pizza kits I was selling though I remember where they got me.
But, raising funds—terms with a whole lot less chill factor, in my opinion—for an adoption is entirely different.
A private domestic adoption may cost around $20,000. An international adoption costs a whole lot more than that–$10,000-$25,000 more than that. I have a friend who spent $60,000 to bring their daughter home. There are simply not a lot of families who have that kind of money at their fingertips.
Enter…raising funds.
And, enter criticism.
If you can’t afford to adopt, you shouldn’t be doing it. You shouldn’t use a child to play on people’s sympathies to give you money. If you wouldn’t fundraise to buy a house or your car, you shouldn’t do it for an adoption either.
But, see, a child isn’t a house or a car. And, not having $20,000-$45,000 in a savings account doesn’t disqualify you as a good parent—thankfully. And, actually, I’d venture to say that most families raising funds for their adoptions are not standing on street corners with cans and a picture of a malnourished child wearing a tent sign saying, “Help bring my baby home.”
I give families raising funds for adoptions a lot of respect. Everywhere I go online, I’m finding families who have designed and are selling great t-shirts to raise funds. I’m finding moms who have learned a craft and are working hard when all is quiet in their homes at night to make them and list them online. I’m finding parents writing books, threading needles, making jewelry (and more and more jewelry), selling coffee, teaching a skill–in this case, Chinese!, becoming artists, selling items through The Sparrow Fund (there’s a program for fundraising families), gathering unwanted stuff to sell at massive yard sales, hosting giveaways for Kindle Fires, putting together big ole raffles, doing their best to somehow get closer to that money needed to grow their families through adoption.
And, I’m finding God providing.
These families aren’t playing on my sympathies and making me say, “Fine, already, take my money!” Instead, I’m saying, “I want to be a part of that family’s story. I want to play a part—albeit a small part—of God’s provision for that family.”
I read a post not long ago written by an adult adoptee criticizing adoption fundraising, criticizing adoption itself in a lot of ways. At one point, the author wrote specifically about fundraising with this:
Is it really so hard to see how that [fundraising] is using the child, your future child, for personal gain? Do what you have to do, but is doing it at the expense of your child’s privacy, and well-being, really how you want to begin your new family? What will it teach your child? Will it teach them that when you want something bad enough, it is acceptable to play on the compassion and sympathy of others to get what you want?
Is that really how parents want to begin their new families?
Yes.
What will it teach their children?
It will teach their children that they did all they could to bring them home. It will teach their children that their being a part of their families was not a mistake. Families will recall to their children the late nights, the thank-you notes, the clicking away on the computer. And, they will tell their children how God provided through people—people who shopped with purpose and people who gave with purpose.
Count me in.
Amen and amen.
….and “Amen” again.
Well said. Thank you for your perspective. It’s a topic I wrestled with a lot for this journey to Brynna. But I realized I was letting others’ opinions inform my own, rather than asking God to speak to me directly about it. THAT was humbling to have to admit out loud. Once I got over myself on THAT one, it was easier to ask Him to direct the steps and give us creativity in raising the funds. We have a long way to go still but we feel confident in His ability to provide and to keep giving us creativity and direction.
Thanks for sharing this. I think I’m gonna direct folks to it on my Friday post…
Thank you for sharing our link! -Sarah http://www.anoceansizedlove.blogspot.com
Thanks for the shout out in the post and the opportunity to link up! Praying that God will move the mountain that stands in the way between Toby and us!! God is so faithful!
Thank you for the shout out and linking with me. I love this and it is true :) At the beginning of our adoption I didn’t see how we would do it, I just knew we trusted it would somehow happen. And although we are still paying some back, our son is home and God has provided every penny we have needed so far!
Thanks for this post! It is refreshing to hear another side of it instead of all the negative comments out there.
Thank you so much!
Awesome!!! We did creative fund-raising for our adoption last year. It is overwhelming and I was a little surprised by some of the negative feedback. Now that our adoption is fully funded, we look forward to helping other families that have also stepped out in faith!
Thanks Kel! As usual, I love your perspective on this and appreciate you helping all of these families out, including ours! You rock! xoxo
I personally LOVE to give to families fundraising after doing a bit myself while waiting for our last treasure from China. And it’s certainly not for the prizes but for the opportunity to see the precious faces come to a family and know that I played a wee part. It gives me the greatest JOY!
Thanks for being a voice for so many of us Kelly. This is a great post and very well written.
Thanks Girl!! I will have to share this Great Post! We have just started the fundraising process and the looks/stares/thoughts of others have begun! lol! It’s all good.. God has got this one!
Thank you so much for this post and approtunity to share links to our fundraisers!
Thanks for letting people do this; we’ve hit brick walls with our fundraising even with family!
Thank you so much for helping families like ours. When we jumped into this adoption is was without any idea how we’d fund it. God provided that application money that first weekend and has continued to provide exactly the amount we needed when we needed it. It is very humbling to ask for help but I have learned that God wants my child home as much as I do and sometimes it takes more then just a second job to accomplish that!
I went to that last link and the poster also says this:
“What would I do, if I were in that position? I can understand a person doing things like having a garage sale to raise money. What I can’t understand and get past is playing on others sympathy by advertising the reason for the garage sale, bake sale, dinner, or whatever, by using the child’s unfortunate circumstances. If a person asks the reason, why not tell the truth, that you want to adopt and are just trying to raise money to do so. Advertising the reason by posting a picture of the child, or telling the congregation about the poor orphan, turns it into something totally different from just coming up with the money to pay the adoption expenses.”
Fairly obviously, she is pointing out that she has problems with using the child’s misfortune by fundraising, i.e. soliciting funds off people by acting as if you are saving the child. That is distinct from raising funds, eg doing a 2nd job, making jewellery etc. Note she says specifically: If a person asks the reason, why not tell the truth, that you want to adopt and are just trying to raise money to do so.
Someone pointed out somewhere else that there is a difference between, “fundraising, i.e. begging for money (providing nothing in return)” and “raising funds, i.e selling items or services”.
On an incidental note, what happens when people who have adopted by solicit for funds to “help bring our child home” via fundraisers then get money back via the adoption tax credit?
Btw I am an older adoptee and I probably cost about $100 lol. I am glad that my adoption didn’t cost $40,000 or more because then I might have felt more expectations on my shoulders. Also, I hate those adoption books where the central story doesn’t seem to be about the adoptee but more about how long it took the APs to get their adoptee home.
Very well written!
Thank you for putting this together for all of the families that hopefully will gain some support (both financial and emotional!) from this project!
Thank you so much for this post, Kelly!
All of us fundraising families appreciate your support and voice on this very sensitive and humbling approach to bringing home our children.
For our first two adoptions, we did not have to fundraise at all. But now we do. I believe with my whole heart that this is God’s divine purpose for us….a way to draw us nearer and closer to Him. Plus, it is my hope and desire that we will raise more money then what we need and be able to help someone else financially who is adopting. I am not exactly sure what that is going to look like, but I know God will open doors for us in that regard.
Anyway, thanks again!! I absolutely love your blog, the Sparrow Fund, and of course, We are Grafted In.
:)
Thank you for your inspiration!! Hope you don’t mind that I ‘used’ your words :) they were perfect!
Blessings!!
Love this! I wrote a similar post, and I think they are friends..our two little blog posts! http://biglittledays.com/2012/07/01/fundraising-and-freaking-out/
Posted our giveaway, too–thank you for being an advocate!
incredible post.
they all always are from you.
but this topic needed this kind of attention.
you rock!
So well said!!!!
thanks for this post & the opportunity to link up! in our church there are very few adopting families, and none of the other ones have been fundraising families, so we have gotten some strange reactions. i have been so blessed by people who “get it” and who have helped in any way (money, time, etc) to help us bring our kiddos home. I wanted our kids to know how many people love them before we even know who they are, so i’m making this to remind us:
http://www.thecellardoorstories.blogspot.com/2011/09/family-blessing-tree.html