Helen

There is an infant carseat sitting in front of me as I write. It’s been so long since I used one. Maybe using one is like riding a bike?

I haven’t written much since November. That’s because something big happened on November 4th—our family sort of grew. And, honestly, I wasn’t sure how to talk about it and what to share, even what was safe to share. But, my defenses are down now; infant car seats have a way of doing that to you.

We’ve known Helen and her husband Frank for a number of years now. In fact, we met them in person for the first time the night we arrived in Beijing in 2010 to adopt our daughter. Despite inherent challenges, they left promising careers in China’s booming business industry to join staff in the work we are also a part of in China—IECS.

Months after we met them in Beijing, we celebrated that their own family was growing. Per the norm there, Helen went to her doctor often, an all-day experience that she’d fear as doctors typically use scare tactics with expecting parents to get them to agree to more tests insisting they are needed. When the doctor told the technician during one of their monthly ultrasounds to tell them the gender of their baby, she was not happy. Usually, she gets paid extra for that. She told Frank and Helen they were having a girl. But, Helen knew she was lying. We were all hoping it was true though because the family planning rules where they are from allow them to have a second child if their first child is a girl.

On February 14th, 2011, they gave birth to a boy—a super smart, strong-willed, people-oriented little (sorry, big, if you ask him now) boy we call Caleb.

They knew they wanted another child. But having a son already, growing their family again was not allowed. Knowing the risks, they took a leap of faith and had the mandated birth control removed from her womb, trusting the maker of life with their future.

This past summer, I received an email not unlike many messages I’ve received over the years from other girlfriends sharing very exciting news. But, this time, the conversation that followed wasn’t about paint colors and name options. Frank and Helen are from the most conservative area in China when it comes to upholding the family planning policy. While many localities have relaxed the policy and give a lot of allowances to families, their region has not. The reality of the risks hit us hard as we heard about cases of forced abor-ions and family members being held by authorities until the couple in question shows up.

They were prepared to deal with it. There were a few options they were considering to take for their family’s protection within China. Many people have had to do that before them. But, we were not willing to have them take that risk.

Her first Visa application to come to the United States to receive training with the international organization they work for and visit the other staff was denied. In fact, the consulate officers didn’t even look at her application and sent her away. But, we encouraged her to try again, this time bringing all sorts of supporting documentation, way more than was required. As she stood in line for hours, everyone in front of her applying for the same Visa was denied. Over and over again, Chinese people walked away having spent large sums of money to even come to Beijing to apply for the Visa broken hearted. She just kept praying specifically that she would get the one woman officer and that she’d be soft towards her. When it was her turn to approach the window, she was called to the window of the one woman officer. She looked at all her paperwork. She asked her questions, some of which communicated that she was a like-minded woman herself. And, then, just like that, her papers were stamped in red ink. Helen and Caleb were coming to America.

On November 4th, Frank, Helen, and Caleb all arrived into our little home whose playroom had just become a small guest room. Frank returned to China two weeks later, and Helen and Caleb have been here since then, enjoying daily walks to our library (where they live in China, there are no libraries for children) and adjusting well to life in a faraway land. Only 1 week from now, Frank will be joining us again and staying until their baby—their daughter—arrives. About a month later, as soon as we can get all their paperwork in order, they will return to China with their arms full. They will have a large fine to pay when they eventually register their daughter there—in fact, it’s 7x their salary. But, fines are payable.

Helen has no idea how to use this infant carseat contraption. She keeps looking at it as if it’s some crazy piece of equipment. I guess it sorta is for someone who has never used a carseat. Crazy or not, I can’t wait to meet that little girl whose going to be using it.