The words in my inbox were words I had read before.
we’ve been prayerfully considering adoption…but we are both still wrestling with a lot of fear and uncertainty….I know God will provide, but I really don’t know how to move beyond this place of fear.
The same words have been parts of other messages from other women. The same words had been written on my own heart years ago.
I remember when our family story began. Mark and I met at Young Life camp right before my senior year of college. Only 3 months later, after only phone calls and emails (which was nearly brand new), we started talking serious, and I knew where we were headed. After one of those late night phone calls with Mark, I called my mom, and I cried. I was scared out of my mind. I knew he was amazing and that God was leading and I was following — all good things. But, I was so uncomfortable and scared of the unknown and the commitment I was likely to be saying yes to soon. Fear and uncertainty filled me. My mom said something seemingly not all that brilliant; yet, 15 years later, here I am with her words still playing over in my head. They were words that quieted me and helped me move past my own self in spite of myself.
Kelly, I’d be worried if you weren’t scared.
Here’s the thing. Adoption is a big deal. And, wrestling with fear and uncertainty is right where you should be. It’s all part of the adoption journey. If we take that lightly and not wrestle with it, well, that’s when I’d be concerned.
It’s really not about having the best parenting skills or being able to stay at home or knowing all about attachment or all that we can wrongly claim as making as fully able and therefore ready. It’s about discerning if God has called you to it and if He has, if that timing is now. Even after we discerned that ourselves, I still battled fear, fear that literally took me prostrate to the ground at times. Some days while we waited, I wondered if we were making a mistake. I wondered if I forced something and if we were headed down the wrong path, if I’d be able to cut it, if I could really love a child who wasn’t “my own,” if I was motivated by the wrong reasons. But, God wouldn’t let us not do it. So, we pressed on. It wasn’t the easiest road–the wait, looking over files of very real children, traveling across the world, coming home with a toddler who was now our own, the grafting process. But, I know that right here is where God wants me to be, even when I’m overwhelmed by my inadequacy and wondering what He’s doing.
No one is “perfect” for this journey. But, He is and the journey itself is when He has called you to it.
Another post I needed to read. We are in this spot once again as we try to know what to do next to grow our family but the fears of the past are creeping up on us. Thank you for this!!
I could have written those very words!!! You described fear in adoption just perfectly!!!
Hi Kelly! It’s been awhile, but I stumbled across THIS blog post, and obviously for a reason.
We were ravaged with fear before stepping out on faith for Evan. Even now, as I encouraged others on a FB post that God can and will move mountains in adoption, I still have that twinge of fear. (and I’m not even adopting!!)
The wisdom your mom shared with you and you now sharing with us is so very encouraging. Obviously, the Lord is using them greatly all over again!
Kelly,
This is were I’m at Scared out of my mind. I thought we were lead a different direction and so we went that way. It was not. I worry, I rethink things. I need to just jump out in faith and trust but I have a hard time with that. Thank you for sharing
Hey Kelly. I think I really needed to read this. But unfortunately, there’s a huge case of reluctance and cold feet in my household. Not from me, from hubs. And here I thought, “Oh perfect! We’re going to live where our future daughter is from.” Two months later, I heard the devastating words from him that he didn’t want to do it anymore. Oh girl… I am praying, but stumble upon my prayers because I just feel it’s too much to handle. I can’t even get a proper prayer out coherently regarding this. But I know, that God knows what’s in our hearts and that I don’t have to be eloquent.
I’ve never discussed it publicly in my blog or otherwise. Maybe denial? Maybe too painful…
Thank you for this. And absolutely gorgeous picture of your little Lydia. She’s always been so beautiful. Lovely
Kelly, I love this. This is so true and what so many people need to hear!
THank you Thank you Thank you! This is right where I am now! well-I guess some what ahead. We always said we wanted to adopt when our kids were a little older-we have 4-7,6,5 and 1 1/2. But God said I want you to move now. I fought it and prayed it away-but God still said NOW. So I said alright Lord, if this is really you-then we will go Now…I struggle so much from day to day, reading about attachment FREAKS ME OUT!, I struggle probably even more if I’m a good enough mother to deserve more and then just doubt it self rears it’s ugly head as we never had a chance to save for our China girl and REALLY don;t have the money on our own….buuuut I know we can give her love and I have NO doubt this is what God wants-so I daily pray for strength…and from encouragement from people like you.Thank you!!!
So true. So good. Amen.
SO. GOOD. SO. PERTINENT. My post today is quite similar, as we wrestle through this issue and the delay it is costing us.
This is so so true. Wise words! Our social worker said the same thing to me – if you weren’t scared I’d be worried. After our referral, all of those fears dissipated for me. I’m so glad we didn’t let fear hold us back.
I’m so glad I found you through Deeper Story. I constantly struggle with if God is even calling me to motherhood, and this huge longing I have for adoption. It scares the crap out of me, and I’m glad I’m not alone in being scared! Beautifully written.