“Do they just leave their baby girls for dead there?”
“Why would they just leave her?”
“How could anyone do that to their own child?”
I’ve been asked these and other questions as a mother of a Chinese daughter. I explain the one-child rule, the pressure to have a son, how hard it is for many Chinese families to care for medically fragile children, how babies are typically left to be found not left to die, how some babies are left with notes of regret or left with money and food.
Abandonment there is not like abandonment here.
With the new regulations going into effect soon in China, I wonder how this will change things.
Up until now, in order for a child to be even eligible for adoption, he or she couldn’t be traced to any living relative. No one. If the government could find a distant cousin, an aunt or uncle, anyone related, even if that relative didn’t want the child or couldn’t care for them, if there was a relative, the child was left to grow up in an institution. There could be families lined up to adopt that little one, but they would never even know he or she existed.
But, that’s going to change.
My first reaction was relief–finally, these children who have no families to their knowledge and experience may be able to have them.
Then, I started thinking and wondering about what this will mean.
Will parents be able to voluntarily place their children for adoption? The article I read said the Chinese office that handles all adoptions has already received 6 “applications” from families who want to have their children adopted. With the way Chinese often view life in America, I wonder if more families will make this sacrifice simply to give their children what they may think is a better life.
Does that mean abandonments will be fewer and fewer in number if birth parents can actually give up parental rights? Will we hear less and less stories like this one (unable to pay more than the $190 USD already paid for the care of his baby boy, a father abandoned his 3 month old baby with heart disease and pneumonia at an airport and was arrested and shamed for it)?
Will adoptive families know if their new child was voluntarily placed for adoption? Will China give us the names of birth families? Will this eventually lead to some sort of regulation around ongoing contact with birth families? Will there be such a thing as an open Chinese adoption?
Rejoicing today for the hundreds of thousands of children in orphanages sleeping right now as I write who have had no hope of ever having a family…but may receive one now. They have watched while other children have received care packages and have had photos taken to send to families and have put on new clothing and then never returned. May their day finally come.
Praying for the families who have already submitted their applications to surrender their children so that they can be adopted and for the children named in those applications.
Praying for protection over the sanctity of human life.
Enlightening post. Thank you for sharing the new changes and your thoughts. I pray it is a urge step forward.
Hi Kelly, Thanks for this! Is there a link to the official policy changes you can post?
The only way that this would be good for American parents is if China lied and did not admit to knowing who the parents were. US law states that Americans can only adopt orphans or that they live in the country with said adopted child for 2 years before being allowed to bring them back into the US. I live in China, and believing that the Chinese will adopt children is far fetched. (Admittedly there are some that do it, but not most.) Most Chinese have no concept of adoption or raising a child that isn’t your own blood. All of our neighbors (upper middle class people with educations) still ask us questions like, ‘do they eat at your table?” We also over hear them telling their friends, as we walk by, that our girls are exchange students… even though we’ve told them 100x that we’ve adopted them. It’ll be generations before they really truly understand and embrace adoption as a way to build a family… if it ever happens.
So well said Kelly…so many thoughts about this new law…
there are many reasons for the Chinese parents to abandon their child, we have no regret to light up the child’s life by adopting them.
Great article. I am showing my great respects for those great American who take care those chinese childrens, you are their angels.
RE:Most Chinese have no concept of adoption or raising a child that isn’t your own blood.
Actually the Chinese have done EXACTLY this for centuries. But they haven’t done it through and organized system like the CCAA or orphanages. They won’t admit to it but it has been done for years inter- family or through neighbors or those unable to have children. When these unofficial adoptions are done, they are not spoken about. It’s a taboo subject like it was in the 1950s here in the U.S. For a time they were termed ” black children” and were not allowed to go to school or get jobs because they didn’t have Hukou.
I see nothing in the China Daily article which indicates transparency of adoptee information or accurate history. I only wish that was included in the report. Adoptees deserve the right to their own history and information when it’s available. And it’s the Chinese government’s responsiblity to provide what they have. This is not being done now. NGOs in China are not allowed to help or even focus on a child’s history. They are allowed to pay for and care for babies and some children. They are not allowed to interfere with so called politics or criticize the one child policy or they will lose their ability to care for children.
But in some cases, knowing the medical history or abuse history of a child can be hugely beneficial in their future care? How can this be in the child’s best interest to keep it hidden? How does changing a child’ s birthday help it? It doesn’t. In some cases it is quite detrimental to their care. Telling an adoptive parent a child has no serious medical needs when he/she has serious issues creates many problems for all.
These are issues which the article did not bring up. Many of these children are street children brought into orphanages in the past year during a campaign to get kids off the streets. These are older children who steal food and have serious issues with adjusting to orphanage life much less adoption into an international family. It doesn’t mean they don’t deserve homes. It means adoptive parents need to be very aware of their history and I see nowhere in this article which says this history will be provided.
Additionally, this mandate offers far too much leeway for coercion and deception of all concerned particularly the families in China. These families are victims of government oppression and now this is legally approved to include more. What isn’t said is it gives the Chinese government more opportunity to make a lot of money from International adoption.
Adoption without considering the details is not always “better”. And in China, one must consider the source of information. China Daily is widely recognized as the party mouthpiece and ALL propaganda. IT’s only what the government wants you to know.
Kelly, I want to forward the article to the agency that wants to help me bring home two trafficked children, the best friends of our recently adopted daughter. Can you give me a link to the article? Thank you so much for sharing this!! Blessings, Amy
Thank You Kelly, for your comments. I have tried to tell several people that “No they Do Not abandon their children to die. They abandon them to Live!” I know, there are exceptions to everything. But the people of China LOVE their babies/children. And they LOVE their orphans. But the people do not have any say in what happens and what chosies must be made. They are trapped and no money or options what else to do. It must be so tough to HAVE to take your baby in the middle of the night and leave it on the steps of the Police station, Local Orphanage, etc. and hope that he is found and can have a chance to grow up and have a better life. All the while knowing that you will never be able to hold that baby again. Never know how he/she grew up. If the child is adopted, has a good life, or ???
I hope and pray that any changes in the rules ARE for the better but I guess only time will tell. Thank You My Friend. May God Bless.