And Then There Were Four

I was asked recently along with a few other families to write something for our agency’s newsletter (which just recently arrived in the mail). Thought I’d share it here as well since it isn’t likely I’ll be able to find that newsletter years from now. But, I’m hoping to print this blog off at some point (how do you decide when and how much to put in a book? Anyone?).

“Leave her alone, Drew. She doesn’t want kisses right now.” If you shadowed me for a day, you would hear me say this half a dozen times at least. Drew is smitten by his sister Lydia—whether she likes it or not!

But, it wasn’t always this way.

It took 3 years to the day from the day we decided we were going to adopt to the day we adopted Lydia Mei. When we started the process, we had a 5-year-old son (Evan), a 3-year-old daughter (Ashlyn), and a 1-year-old son (Drew). As we did paperwork, got fingerprinted, were interviewed, photographed, and examined in every way (or so it seemed!), our 3 children were with us. They were with me when I hand delivered our dossier to the Living Hope office and celebrated with Chinese for dinner that night. They celebrated LID anniversaries with us. They looked at pictures on blogs with me of children who had been recently matched. They enjoyed getting material in the mail for Lydia’s wishes quilt. We let them choose an orphan in China to financially support and pray for as we waited for our child. They joined us everyday, praying for us to meet baby Lydia soon.

But, 3 years is a long time. It was a long time for us—and a lifetime for our kids. As time passed, they began to ask if baby Lydia was ever coming home. And, honestly, we found ourselves asking the same question at times. Their excitement for her would wax and wane as months passed. But, we would continue to talk about China and talk about what Lydia might be like and what our family would be like when she came home.

In one day, the “idea” of a sister became reality when we finally saw Mei Yue’s face for the first time and committed to being her family. The preparations for a trip to China and Lydia’s homecoming became my full-time job. The kids shared the excitement and took pictures of her in her “puffy pants” to school to show off. They even did remarkably well as we left without them to go get her—of course, the grandparents’ diet of happy meals and other such spoiling may have helped.

The older two—age 8 and 6 when we got home—adjusted remarkably well. Both took their roles as protective siblings very seriously. We thought the honeymoon period for Ashlyn may wear off as she faced the reality of sharing a room with a toddler. She has never failed to be quick to embrace, comfort, and care for her sister. And, Lydia’s favorite spot may very well be in Evan’s lap.

Drew, however, had a harder time adjusting to having a new baby in the family. He had been the baby for 4 years and enjoyed that role. Though he did not show any anger at Lydia directly, we knew he was struggling when we were preparing to visit the older kids’ classes to introduce them to Lydia and teach them about China. I encouraged him to wear his Chinese clothing—a vest he had begged me to wear weeks earlier. He refused, yelling to me, “I hate Chinese people!” He regressed some in other behaviors, having a few accidents and using baby talk, which were hard to deal with as we were focusing on Lydia’s adjustment and adjusting too to having 4 children. His adjustment was not unlike that of any 4 year old to having a new sibling—biologically or not. But, it was compounded by the fact that we had left him for 16 days to get her and she wasn’t a newborn baby who slept most of the day but a toddler who would eat marbles and pull apart train tracks. We made efforts to give him a little extra attention and time. It wasn’t long until he too became the protective and adoring older brother—though lacking the ability to read social cues from Lydia when she had had enough of the attention. She often finds herself the victim of Drew’s kisses. And, Drew has quietly decided he likes Chinese people after all.