Two years. On July 23, 2007, someone working at the Chinese office handling adoptions in Beijing took our huge folder of paperwork and logged it into their system. Just a few weeks ago, on July 6, 2009, we received word that our paperwork had been reviewed. Two years. It is not always easy to be positive about this process when things take so very long to progress. But, we started this process when our youngest was very young, anticipating a long wait. And, now, 2 years have passed. In those 2 years, a lot has happened in our family. And, as we near the end of our paper pregnancy and get closer to actually meeting our child, I would be remiss if I did not consider the benefits of our waiting. So, encouraged by a blog entry I saw elsewhere, more for my own benefit than anything else, I want to list out some of the blessings of our wait thus far.
CARING FOR OUR FAMILY’S NEEDS. A lot has happened in our family in these 2 years; many situations required my full attention and commitment. I am thankful that we were able to deal with educational and health issues during this time. If they had come up before we had started this process, we may not have. God’s timing was perfect.
RELATIONSHIPS. During the long wait, I have been blessed by connecting with other waiting adoptive families. We have done quilt exchanges and gift exchanges as well as simply encouraged each other as we all wait together. The relationships I have built there, which I trust will be longlasting, have been a real blessing to me.
SPECIAL NEEDS ADOPTIONS. The long wait has led many families in the healthy child program to consider a special needs adoption. We are one of those families. We joined the special needs program in March 2009. Healthy older children as well as younger children with special needs have been placed with their forever families who may not have moved to the special needs program had the wait been a short one.
PREPARATION. In the past 2 years, I have read too many books to count on adoption and Chinese culture. My understanding of how to best parent an adopted child as well as my understanding of recent Chinese history that has impacted my child’s birth family is so much deeper than when we started this process. I trust that it will be even deeper months from now as each day I am more prepared to bring our daughter home.
PRACTICE ADVOCATING. In these past 2 years, I’ve gotten a lot of practice dealing with medical professionals, the county, teachers, our adoption agency staff, and so forth. I feel like I am ready to advocate for our new daughter and whatever needs she may have when she arrives. The practice had increased my confidence that I can do what she will need me to do for her.
COMPASSION. The special needs adoption process is not unlike trying to conceive. I remember the emotional roller coaster during infertility treatment years ago. Now, I find myself experiencing some of the same emotions. Waiting parents mark on my calendar the day new children should be posted to the special needs list. We get antsy as that day approaches. When the day comes and we do not get a call, disappointment sets in, and we know that we have to wait a whole month before we will have the opportunity again to possibly get a call. Going through both infertility and now the waiting process for the adoption, I feel such a compassion for women in particular who want so badly to be a mother. It is such a strong desire of our hearts. I also feel a strong compassion for those women who surrender their children. Knowing the love for my children, I can only imagine that their heartache is absolutely intense.
LONG OBEDIENCE IN THE SAME DIRECTION. I can clearly remember my husband coming home from work and telling me as he walked in the door, “We need to adopt. I feel like we’d be disobedient if we didn’t.” I had been praying for months that he would feel this way. So, we moved forward. We completed our paperwork in record time and sent it to China. A year later, we renewed our paperwork. And, a year later, we renewed again. We just keep going, fully confident that God called us to do it originally and that He will see this to completion (Galatians 6:9).
CONTROL. I want control. I want to know which child will be ours, what her needs will be, when we will get the referral, when we will travel, and so forth. There is nothing more out of my control than this adoption process. I can search and search for clues and try to predict this and that. But, ultimately, no one has the answers for me but the Lord. As I learn this lesson more profoundly, I see the fruits in other areas of my life as well.
Thank you, God, for how you have used these past 2 years in our lives. Thank you for how you have carried our family through some stressful situations. Thank you for the adoption community and the many relationships we have built both with families from other agencies, families with our agency, and with our agency staff. Be with us and other waiting families who are pursuing a special needs adoption. Prepare us to meet our child’s needs in a specific way. Help us to walk in your will, trusting that this is what you called us to do 2 years ago and you will see it to completion. Help us to trust in you and your plan, knowing that you are sovereign over all things. And, Lord, continue to open our eyes to see the blessings of the wait until we meet our new daughter.
beautiful.
thank you for sharing your journey with those who are considering foreign adoption – its such a blessing!
Thanks for this, Kelly! The wait is so hard…remembering that God is using the wait for our good will make it all worthwhile! Congrats on 2 years! WOW! Go out and celebrate!
What a beautiful post, Kelly! You found some wonderful silver linings that I know will help others get through this long wait.
What a great post. Do you mind if I link to it on my blog, to share with readers from the “long view” of things?
Good good stuff here.
Kelly, Such a good post … waiting and trusting is so hard when you want something so much, but like you wrote, God is in control. I noticed that one of your blog roll friends has a log in date the exact same day as Carter was born. It put into perspective for me just how long you and others have been waiting! I pray that you will be able to bring your little girl home in God’s perfect timing.
I love how you wrote out your gratefulness and perspectives throughout this post. The process can be so daunting at times and the wait often seems endless, but the end result is the reason we do this. We all have to trust upon entering this process, that God is in control…that He is lighting the path that we must follow…and the path that ultimately leads us to the child He has waiting for each of us.
“The One who calls you is faithful. He will make it happen” ~ 1 Thes. 5:24
Blessings and Hugs,
~Tanya
Kelly, What a great attitude to have! I know, when I was going through fertility treatments for my first child, (2 years, in fact) the wait was excruciating! I didn’t know if it would ever happen. I wish I was able to focus on the ways we were blessed in those 2 years and patiently wait for Gods perfect timing. Second time around I went into it with a different attitude and prayed about it, and we got pregnant the first month! God answers prayer! I will pray as well that your wait is not too much longer! This will be one lucky little girl to be placed in a family like yours!
Great perspective, Friend. Thanks for sharing.
Beautifully written…could have been the words out of so many of our thoughts. Gos has an amazing plan…he would not have sparked the desire of adoption in our hearts if it was not to be fulfilled in his ultimate plan. Miah is perfect is so many ways…I look at her sweet face, cleft and all and just see her…God’s beautiful creation. I can’t wait to see who God has chosen to be your daughter!
Kim
I just saw your comment on “God will Add”. We are waiting to adopt domestically. I just blogged about the wait and our new journey today. It’s at http://themagicbrushinc.blogspot.com/2012/03/adoption-update-stepping-over-threshold.html
If you want to read it.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. The wait is so hard and so few understand. Blessings to you.